Wow. I just realized that my life kinda sucks right now.
My mom is getting both of her hips replaced on Tuesday. The recovery for the surgery is about a year (full recovery).
My dad is unemployed
Since my dad is unemployed and my mom won't be working for a while because of surgery, I'm starting to have to pay for gas (which isn't too horrid, but i only have a part time job, so it impacts me quite greatly...) and they can't helppay for Jiu Jitsu for me anymore, so i have to drop that. As a result, I will have to start paying for my own cell phone bill as well.
I just learned that if I go to Taylor University for a Creative Writing degree (exactly what i've had my eyes set on for about four years) I will be 120,000 dollars in debt when it's all over (that's estimating I follow the 10 year pay off plan) So, I may have to consider going to a State College or something... which would suck because Taylor has one of the best writing programs. Not many places get their students published their freshman year.
I just learned that my "pubic bone is torked" in the words of the expert. Apparently, my pelvis is completely messed up from me doing cray stuff for the last few years. My body has become accusmtomed to using the incorrect muscle groups because the ones i'm supposed to be using are are messed up. If I used the correct muscle groups in my hips an legs, and I continued trying to do the splits, my pelvis (worst case scenereo) would crack in half.
Needless to say,I am taking a break on the "month to do the slits" because I want to have a pelvis that is in tact. I'm supposed to massage some random places in my pelvis (it feels soooo weird!) Hopefully i'll be better soon.
Just learned that my job won't give me full time over the summer, so i have to get a new job as a server (i really don't want to do it, but I have no other option). So that is one more thing to think about because i should apply somewhere in the next month for summer jobs or they will all be taken.
I just learned that I may have to buy my own car over the summer because our family doesn't have enough cars for eveyrone to go to their jobs at the same time... I cannot afford a car let alone, car insurance, gas, cell phone bill, motnhly gym expenses, and looking for another martial arts gym that is cheaper (oh, and not to mention that little fee of 120,000 for college).
Oh, and I'm still taking 18 credits at DCTC. Need I say any more?
We're at a new church, which in itself is a good thing, but I know pretty much no one there. So, youth group is awkward because everyone has their own friends then there's me. And, there's not like group activities, so it's reaallyy hard to bond with people. If they had like an ice breaker thing at the beginning that would be cool. But, there's like 120 students there, and i'm one of the only ones who doesn't know anyone else. Crap.
The book that i'm writing should have been completed two months ago.
Usually when the circumstances around me suck like nothing else, I can remain positive while trying to solve the issues. I am not positive now...
Not to mention allergies are kicking in, so my throat itches, I'm sneezing, I either have a faucet for a nose or completely clogged.
And, to top everything off, I just got a hair cut, but the sides are too short, so they stick out like pieces on hay. Now I have to wait for a week and a half until my hair grows enough for them to stay down next to the rest of my hair.
Yeah, let's just say I'm not doing too well right now. Most of the issues are money related. Things would be so much easier if I suddenly had 200,000. I could pay for college, and invest the rest for a future house. Wishful thinking. Wishful thinking.
If you want to text me random happy things, I would not be opposed to it. (Hint hint)
It could be worse. We could be in a zombie apocalypse.
ReplyDeleteOr this could be you: http://blog.rifftrax.com/wp-content/photos/orig_kangaroo_punching_woman_11959.jpg
Ben,
ReplyDeleteI haven't read your blog in a long time but somehow just thought of it. I'm glad i did.
I am extremely sorry for all that's going on. I've had a similar situation last year. I actually wrote a facebook blog on it, you should check it out. It's called "For anyone who has ever struggled"
Joshua 1:9
"Have i not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go!"
I know you probably know that, and it seems hard to trust God when life is so hard, you probably feel low on energy too.
With the little energy you have left, give it ALL 100% to God, not leaving anything behind give it ALL to Him. He will take it and multiply it.
I also encourage you to read the book of Job. It is soo amazing. To have everything you have taken from you and still praise God!
If God wants you to go to Taylor college He will get you there. Never doubt that if He's calling you there He will also provide all you need to get there. God is not limited.
Ben, i prayed for a car and God GAVE me one. NO cost what so ever. God is also not short on cars. Tell him the car you want, model, make, year, color and continue to tithe.
Watch what He'll do!
Lamentations 3
ReplyDeleteGod proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman to diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for the help of God.
It's a good thing when you're young to stick out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter in silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why?
Because the Master wont ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadbocks in the way.
Oh, dang it, Ben, life really does suck for you right now, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt's Tuesday night so your mother' surgery must be over and I certainly hope it went well.
And an unemployed dad -- that's gotta be really hard on the whole family. I've been unemployed myself more than once or twice, and it was super tough on me, and that was without any dependants. But eventually a better job came along and I moved on up. The same will happen for your Dad so tell him to hang in there.
As for your book that you say you should have finished: ARE YOU CRAZY? Of COURSE it's not finished. Life ALWAYS interferes with writing. Besides, the only writers who stick to deadlines are the kind who turn out formula crap. The book can wait because you and your life are more important. Besides, when you get back to it after all these tough experiences you'll find that your writing perspective will be deeper and more meaningful.
Then there's your pelvis. Sounds like you've really got some twisted up muscles. They can be fixed so no need to panic. But when your body is ready to stretch again, you might want to consider a few yoga or (you'll hate me for this) ballet classes. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that a good teacher in those fields will get you to use the correct muscles for any movement and will show you how to stretch properly too.
As for college -- I'm so sorry you had your heart set on Taylor, but I gotta be honest with you -- I don't see how spending $120,000 to go there can in any way guarantee that you'll get published. The fact is you could go to a local community college and with the money you save on far cheaper tuition go to regional writing conferences or prestigious writing workshops like the summer one at Iowa U. or the Breadloaf conference. Some of these conferences and workshops are famous among agents and editors, who also attend them in hope of finding new talent. I once went to screenwriting workhop in Santa Fe, had a blast, and met some Hollywood bigwigs. In the end I didn't stick with screenwriting, but that was my decision.
Anyway, it sure sounds like some doors are slamming shut in your face. So just go find some other doors and push them open. Maybe what's on the other side of them will be something wonderful.
It's me again. I realized you might not know my last name so you're wondering who the heck hsoister is. It's me, Layla in disguise, also called Helena.
ReplyDelete