No Shave November

I just wrote an article for the campus newspaper, The Echo. My article is being printed and will be all around campus on Friday, making this my first time seeing my name in print. Yes, I am stoked beyond belief.

Here it is:

Title: No Shave November


The second week of November has come. It’s not the weather that has the men of Taylor uncomfortable; it’s the stubble on their faces. That’s right, it’s No Shave November.

No Shave November has been a Taylor tradition for many years. But it still has male students cringing at the inevitable: a semi-hairy face.

Here are a few things that signify the beginning of No Shave November:
Men will…
• Scratch the chin area
• Express shame while in the presence of females
• Constantly use excuses like: “It’s usually not this long” or “I know I look like a 12 year old”
• Make fun of the beardless to feel better about themselves

Guys know if they have clean-shaven faces come middle of November, they will be publicly disgraced for being too proud to resemble a fuzzy peach or for having a hormonal imbalance. I can personally attest that neither of these outcomes is desirable.

Men may complain about being unable to socialize with females because women fail to hold eye contact. . . every few seconds their eyes drift to the lower half of the face. The first week of November I thought to myself: they must be admiring my cheekbones, which, of course, were sculpted by Michelangelo himself. But when I saw my reflection in the mirror, I found my eyes drifting to the lower half of my face, and Michelangelo had nothing to do with it. My inner pubescent boy was showing.

I’d like to make a quick shout-out to those “real men,” those guys who can grow full beards in half a week. You know who you are. Others might not because they can’t see you beneath the facial ferns. You bear that hair with manly pride. Continue being awesome.

Yes, it may be true that almost every creature that deserves an “awww” is furry. Imagine these baby animals: a penguin, a duck, and a dog. If you thought to yourself “awww” or screamed it out loud, then you have passed the test. If you did not have the “awww” moment, then you are heartless. Now, to dispel the mental image that furry creatures are the only adorable ones imagine these baby animals: a seal, a pig, and a naked mole-rat. If the “awww” moment didn’t happen, then visit the prayer chapel; God can still save your soul. (Yes, naked mole-rats are adorable.)

Never fear, men who can grow only patches, because like the naked mole-rat, you are still loved. Let’s hope Taylor can survive the rest of November. And women, imagine a baby seal next time your eyes drift the lower half of a man’s patchy face, and feel free to have an “awww” moment.